Burying Your Head in the Sand

For countless times I have heard to so many people encouraging other people to be optimistic regardless of what hardships others are facing, thus I am often reminded how this optimism everyone encourages you to possess at all times is an idea that is a little bit hard to reach. I have no doubt that these people mean well. Really, I do. But I don't think their advice applies to every situation, and even in some cases counterproductive.

I am sure that almost everyone, in some point in their lives, have found themselves in a situation where life seemingly demands you to be pessimistic. Maybe you lost something - or someone - that means a lot to you. Maybe life hits you with a multitude of problems you can't seem to solve. Or maybe you fail to achieve a certain goal you have worked so hard for. In these situations, has anyone ever approached you and told you to be optimistic? Many would simply urge you to be optimistic and tell you that regardless of what happens, you and you alone control your happiness. While that is technically true, I would like to think about it for a moment. I will exaggerate in order to let the example sink in (because as with so many other things, extreme examples are more easily understood).

A man had recently lost both of his legs in a car accident. Naturally, he felt an incredible loss and spiraled down into despair. A friend came along and said to him that he should be optimistic, and that happiness is not determined by whether he has legs or not. His sadness would not help him grow another pair of legs, after all.

The man who lost his legs thought about his friend's words and decided that he should be happy. The fact that he has no legs would mean that he no longer needs to buy shoes and socks. Not to mention a dedicated parking space and restroom. Oh, and those lines at Disneyland? Not a problem. By the end of the day, the man was so grateful he wished that he had understood all the benefits of having no legs and had lost his years ago.

Is the scenario above likely? I don't doubt that some will have that extremely positive attitude. However, it is one thing to have that extremely positive mindset and attitude, and another to impose it upon others who are facing times of trial. I understand that they have the best intention, but as most of us know, best intentions don't always manifest into the best thing to do.

Is it true that the sadness over the lost of both of one's legs wouldn't help one grow another pair? Of course. The problem is, neither does happiness. It is common that in times of loss and despair, the end goal is not to retrieve something you have lost. The end goal is to process it and survive. When the man lost his legs, he felt an incredible loss. This is necessary for him to process it properly and eventually, come to terms with the fact that he no longer has legs. As one might imagine, it is not an easy process.

If the man was supposed to be happy regardless of what happens, is he then expected to dance with glee when he lost his legs? Not without his legs, he won't.

Is it true he won't need to spend a nickel on shoes and socks? Yes. Wheelchairs usually cost a lot more than shoes and socks, though.

How about the dedicated parking space? Sure, driving is easy enough. Not a task that needs legs, right? Learning to drive all over again with no legs must be a breeze.

Handicapped restrooms? Ah, going to the toilet. Another daily task that is very simple. Legs are unnecessary here.

All jokes and sarcasm aside, I believe that the origin of this mindset is people's aversion to unpleasant thoughts. I have observed firsthand that the people who often encourage others to be optimistic and happy regardless of what trial they're facing are usually the people who are so afraid of unpleasant thoughts and things they don't agree with that they desperately try to push all of it away from their mind. What these people refer to being "optimistic" and "happy" often comes dangerously close to being in a state of constant denial. It's similar to burying your head in the sand. The point is, not thinking about problems doesn't make the problem go away. Trivialising a serious problem doesn't lessen the danger that problem poses.

A wise course of action is to do things in moderation. As with many things, life is not always black and white. You don't have to completely forsake happiness because you feel sad once in a while. Just because you don't think the absolute best out of every accident and problems, doesn't mean you're cynical.

If you have a cause to mourn a loss, then mourn. Don't skip the whole process for the sake of looking happy. Process it properly and come to terms with it. When you're done, move on. Don't wallow.

When everything seems questionable, question all. Be a little pessimistic at times. Don't ignore things that may be a problem in the future for the sake of being 'optimistic'.

If a problem is serious, act accordingly. Never bury your head in the sand, problems rarely solve themselves while you're ignoring their existence.

Thanks for reading, I hope you find this post to your liking. See you next time!

-Jason

#Optimism #Happiness